The squirrel was winning. Looking out at the balcony doors by my desk, I saw a squirrel repeatedly jumping onto my bird feeder, spilling seed, and knocking the suet on the ground.
Irritated, I got up from my work and knocked menacingly on the window. He was unfazed. I opened the door and shooed him away. He found a way to leap from the flowerpot. The birds stayed away. I got angrier.
In my annoyance, I missed the lesson about how reactive anger often leads to disordered, unproductive thinking.
How often do we get irritated with uncooperative people on our work teams, family members who are making inappropriate remarks, and bosses who aren’t listening?
We focus on that annoying behavior instead of pausing to consider the WHY behind the behavior.
Like the squirrel, those we find persistently irritating are doing their best to survive or meet their goal, whether it be bird seed for sustenance or a person’s expression based on a felt need, concern, or desire.
So, how can we lead ourselves better in these situations?
One thought is to step back and get curious about what their motivation might be:
Could it be fear?
Competition?
Need to be heard?
Or could it be something in their personal life…you never know what people are up against – A sick family member? A loss? Financial worries?
As you do this, keep these considerations neutral and not personal; calming that ego down is critical here.
Consider the story you are “making up” about them based on this behavior. Find factual evidence that might lead to your more profound understanding of this person. Have a conversation with them, looking at the whole person — not just that bothersome behavior—staying open to see the world through their eyes. You may find yourself seeing this person in a new light that will help you interact with them more productively.
Once I realized the squirrel was not out to irritate me, I considered his survival needs and realized there were plenty of acorns in the nearby field for him. So, I moved his jumping point, the flowerpot, and the bird feeder hook farther out. He soon found more accessible food to gather on the ground that didn’t require leaping at my bird-feeder.
