Watching two male chimps hoot and holler, throwing rocks at each other, I thought of the possible coming aggression.
Then the two males, walking erect and upright, stopped and – started grooming one another! They calmly hunched around each other, picking out bugs and dirt and doing so soothingly—a direct change from the previous apparent conflict.
Primatologists who study this behavior of chimps learned that these grooming rituals not only calm them when they are stressed but also help to build bonds of trust, friendship, and ultimately healthier chimp relationships.
The chimps have learned how to use this behavior for social bonding. Even after tense altercations, getting calm again is best for the troop, whose purpose is to survive and thrive in the wild.
What about us humans?
Listening to coaching clients who are up against the challenges of 21st-century work life, I hear their stressors and wonder: How do we recognize the buildup of emotion within ourselves in the fast-paced, wild world of business?
We may not throw rocks at each other daily, but sometimes we exchange verbal stones. We are up against the speed and pressure of back-to-back intense screen time meetings, emails to answer, and less in-person collaborative participation and teamwork thinking.
These daily obstacles can keep my clients – and most of us – in a constant fight or flight mode.
Fight or flight increases cortisol, the stress hormone, which makes it more challenging for the human brain to do what it does best—executive process frontal lobe thinking. This is the type of thinking we need to settle ourselves and make better decisions.
Chimps have a sense of knowing when to stop and calm each other. Let’s return to our minds and recognize when we need to do the same. For them, this is called grooming; for us, it’s engaging in soothing behavior.
How can we do that, especially in the workplace, and learn to build social bonds with others to create more trust, stronger relationships, and, ultimately, the peace we need for clearer thinking and better teamwork?
It sounds complicated, yet stress release can be as simple as pushing away from your computer, standing up as you take a deep breath, and walking down the hall. It can mean taking a break to drink water, eating a healthy snack, letting out a big sigh, or closing your screen and your eyes for a few minutes, paying attention to how your body is feeling and where you are holding stress.
In doing so, we pause, giving ourselves a chance to return to ourselves and the present.
In a calmer state, we are more responsive to others and less reactive. Dialogue replaces tense conversations as we are more open to creating stronger bonds with others.
How will you cope with this wild and wonderful work-life you find yourself in?
How can you calm yourself and connect to others in a manner that promotes positive bonding ultimately leading to a healthier work environment?
